Alone and Dying Will A Mate Save Me?

[Kirozanagi]

I hadn't realized I'd been staring at Blair. It seemed like there was an awkward silence growing so I found some more words. "So I guess we can stay here for a little longer till you can walk better..." A new question surface in my mind. "I'm a bit curious- Id you dont mind me asking but, how did you end up here?" I hoped I hadn't asked the wrong question. I rememberd ho I had ended up here and wondered if she had such a tragic backstory as mine.

Blair's gaze on the ground sharpened at his question. She didn't precisely want to talk about it, about how she was on the run. About how she had lost her family, her pack. It wasn't her best memory, and definitely one she doesn't share to just anyone. Even though she felt a strong connection to Kiro, she still wasn't ready to talk about it. She shook her head. "I-I don't remember," she told him, her gut twisting at lying for the first time in her life. It wasn't a pleasing feeling.

[Kirozanagi]

I could tell she was lying, but I didn't pry. I stood up and walked over, nuzeling her shoulder. "It's okay if you dont want to talk about it. But I'd prefer if you just said you weren't comfortable about it rather than lie to me." I hated lies- and my life always seemed to be full of them. Lies, betrayals, mysteries, hatred... but here all the problems of the outside word seemed like a dream. No, more like a nightmare. A twisted, horrible, dark, painful, nightmare- that you could never wake up from.

Blair ducked her head, ashamed at lying for once in her life. "I'm sorry, I just... It's hard," she told him quietly. She buried her head under his neck and against his shoulder, soaking in the warmth and solitude that he gave her. She still found it amazing how one wolf could mess with her mind and emotions as well as he could. And he didn't even do it on purpose. It was all natural, which was the most incredible part about it.

[Kirozanagi]

Her words refleted my innerself, everything seemed to be summed up by two of her words. I looked down into the snow. "I understand... My tale isnt all sunshine and rainbows either. I've never told anyone where I come from... but it feels like I could tell you. I'm not sure why, but you make me feel.... safe." I wasnt sure why I was talking like this, I was less sure about why my heart seemed to flutter about when i looked at or touched Blair. I didn't even think I had a heart left.

Blair nodded, agreeing to all of his words. "I know what you mean. I don't understand it, but you cause feelings in me that I didn't think I could even have anymore," she tells him truthfully. Her heart was pumping strongly as she kept her head buried in his neck. With this realization, her body shuddered slightly and she tried to connect the dots on what all these symptoms mean. Heart beating fast, beating strongly, her mood happy, feeling safe, feeling warm, feeling comfortable, all these feeling HAD to add up to something. Suddenly, it struck her.

It struck her so hard she stumbled back, almost collapsing with her still weak legs.

It was love.

[Kirozanagi]

I felt a shiver, at first I thought it was myself, but I realized it was Blair. She backed up all of a sudden in more of a somewhat falling motion rather than stepping back. I looked at her and tilted my head to the side a bit, feeling confused. Did I do something to upset her? Honestly I was a bit worried at the same time. Maybe she was still too weak to be standing up... "Are you okay? Did I say something wrong?" My eyes got soft with worry and my ears lowered. Had I upset her? I wasn't really sure- I hadn't been around others in so long...

Blair shook her head quickly. "It...It wasn't you," she said as she looked up at him, her eyes watery. "I just realized something, that's all." She limped up to him, nuzzled his neck, and licked his cheek. She looked deep into his eyes, her own icy blue orbs soft. Quickly, a soft smile spread across her face, and she said, "Nothing you can do will be wrong, okay? For something to be wrong, it's hurting someone purposefully. You wouldn't do that to me."

[Kirozanagi]

I felt my ears turn red. I nuzzled her back, my tail happily swaying. "I'd never hurt you." Not of my free will... I added on in my mind. I closed my eyses with my head rested on her shoulder. I managed a few more quiet words "You'll never leave me alone will you? I don't like being all by my self anymore..." I felt some tears begining to form in my eyes and I blinked hard to try to stop them.

Blair rests her head on top of his neck, closing her eyes. "I would never dream of leaving you Kiro, I l-" she snaps her mouth shut, eyes wide. She couldn't believe she almost said that. Is she even capable of saying that word anymore? Is her heart not stained by Death anymore? Has her heart returned to how it was before... IT happened? Her eyes softened slightly, but were filled with worry about whether he heard and understood what she was about to say. She shuts her eyes to stop her misting eyes.

[Kirozanagi]

I could feel her sadness and the unspoken words seemed to hang in the air. I knew what she was going to say, but i made no remark towards it. though it caused yet another question. this world was so full of them. "how could you put up with me? I don't even think you would like to be around such a ugly beast like me. I cant even look at myself,without disgust. Besides, you don't even know me..." i was disgusted of myself, I never did like anything about me. not my voice that sounded so innocent, or my dangerous looks. i hated myself down to every fiber of my being.


{{sorry it took so long for me to post, I'm having PC issues}}

Blair's eyes snap open at his question, her eyes sharp. She bites his leg, not hard enough to draw blood but still causing pain. "Don't you dare think like that!" she snarls at him. "I know what it's like to avoid water just so don't have to look at your own reflection, i know! But it's not fair to call yourself an ugly beast. You are not ugly, you are... beautiful. And if you hate yourself for what you have done, that means you can feel guilt. And if you feel guilt, you can feel sadness. If you can feel sadness, you can feel happiness. If you feel happiness, you can feel love. And THAT is what truly matters. So don't call yourself an ugly beast when you have not truly looked within yourself, okay? I can't stand to see or hear that from anyone."

Blair carefully begins to walk off, then glances over her shoulder at him. "As for not knowing you, that does not matter. And if it matters to you so much, why do you keep pushing me away?" Then she looks straight and limps on.

[Kirozanagi]

i felt a bit bad, Blair was right. I wanted to follow her but she seemed upset, so I stood there. I'm sorry.... It's just- I cant ever trust anyone. No one ever tells the truth, they always say they'll be there and then they leave. They always leave, or lie. They put on fake smiles and turn around and back stab me. But... you just seem so much more.... I don't know what it is but I feel like you wouldn't lie to me. I'm not trying to push anyone away. Its just after locking up my emotions for so long- I forgot I had them." All my words just seemed to come from nowhere, I wasn't really sure where I had come up with them or if they were really my words. It felt like i was listening to someone rather than speaking. I forced myself to follow her now. I'm sorry. and I don't know how to look at myself- my true self. I don't have that kind of mirror to see my reflection..." My voice trailed off in to silence and i stopped suddenly, feeling a bit lost.

Blair stopped walking, but didn't turn around. "You don't need a mirror to look at your true self Kiro. You just need to stop thinking. Clear your mind, and look deep within yourself. Answers to confusing questions may lay there. I've never been able to do this, but maybe you can. You seem strong enough to do so. And you may have forgotten you have emotions, but that doesn't mean they ever were truly gone. They were always there, somewhere. And I don't lie. Ever. So, if you ask me a question, be prepared for the complete and honest truth," she told him.

Once she was done speaking, she continued limping away. It pained her heart to walk away from him, but both of them needed time to think things over. He needed to look within himself, she needed to blow of the anger she felt building up. This anger had no cause, it wold just build up if she was unable to kill for a certain amount of time. So, she needed to hunt. To pounce. To kill. To eat. She needed to feel the warm, fresh blood of an animal dripping down her throat.

(u still there?)

(sorry ive been gone so long, ive been having soem issues. i put up a thread in the away forum)

[Kirozanagi]

I watched blair limp away. She seemed to need some time to herself so I decided not to follow. I just hoped that she would come back. I sat down in the cold snow and wrapped my tail around myself. A cold gust of wind blew across my shoulders and I looked down at the ground.

(It's alright, i just saw that recently)

Blair walked around, just wandering for a long while. She was so lost in thought she did not realize the sun going down. She was trying to figure out her heart. She had already realized that she loved Kiro, there was no doubt about that. But why would he push her away? Did he not feel the same? ...maybe he didn't. She sighed, snapping back into the real world. She realized how dark it was and whimpered softly. "K-Kiro?" she called out, her voice shaking slightly. She has always loved the dark, but there was too many things that could happen to her since she was injured.

[Kirozanagi]

I sat upright in the snow, before standing and shaking off the white flakes that had begun to pile up on my fur. I heard Blair faintly... she was calling for me? I followed after the direction I had heard her voice from. I was... happy that she wanted me to be there with her and my paced walk turned into a slow jog.

Blair heard footsteps in the distance and hesitantly limped toward them. She knew it was a wolf's paws hitting the brush, but was it Kiro's? Or someone else's? She whimpered softly, trying to pick up a scent. But she was upwind from the wolf coming to her, so she couldn't.

DaughterofWolf wrote:

Blair walked slowly through the forest, the snow crunching under her paws. She was too weak to shiver, because she hadn't eaten for weeks except a mouse here and there. Finally, her legs gave out and she lay motionless in the snow, her breath weak.

And then a great and majestic black wolf brings a buck down to her and offers the deer to her.

She skittered back, whimpering. "Who... Who are you?" she asked.